Saturday, December 26, 2009

Of Right & Wrong Choices .. uh & super perfectness .. uh & super twisted tounges

beware of those things above ..
u'll be trapped & be succumbed to doom if ur with a person as the above ...

anyway ..

this life is all about other people ... not u .. u have to effin put ur self in a ditch & let the other half be on top some stupid stereo typed skyscrapper & effin rule u ..

nice huh ?

well im there ... nope not on the scrapper but deep down in stupid ditch full of rats & germs .. heee

pen off

Thursday, December 3, 2009

hye ..

its been quite some time since i last talked to u .. i wonder what u have gone thru ... who read u .. who checked u out & who left anything on u .. :p



i missed u my hidden echoes .. :p

i bet ur better off then i am now ..



anyway ..



ive plunged into the realm of commitment, so to say .. a realm i predict full of happiness & bliss ..

a realm & dimention filled with sacrifices & self forgetting for the benefit of the other half ..



hope everything goes well ..
hope my heart breaks & hardships is been felt & seen ..
hope to be pampered ..
hope to be respected ..
i hope to be loved .. truly ..

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

F U !

It really pisses me off when someone looks down on me .. well actualy thats what i wanna start doin from now (as everyone is doin that to me) ..

im sick & tired of being the goody two shoes bastard ..

so F U & ur F'ing family ! I hope u die of thirst & rot with ur F'ing prostitute mother ! F U !

Thursday, April 30, 2009

What is to be expected ..

Woke up quite early this morning.. 1st thing came across my half functional & jerky morning brain was the scene I'll be seeing later at the hospital ..

I can't imagine babah after the bypass as I have never seen him in that state .. (I was never with him in critical conditions , that's what losers do ..) I expected him to be jabbed here & there with cables & drip tubes & other similiar horrific hospital equipments ..

I forsee myself collapsing at the 1st site of Babah as I have some problems with syringes, blood & chloroform smell ..

Anyway ..

I arrived at the CCU & saw him .. he was doin some physioterapic exercise (assisted by hot physioterpist :p) with a few wires poking his neck, oxygen tube thru his nose, drip inserted in his hands ...

Gloom started to fill me .. He didnt talked much (still under the influence of drugs I believe) ..
Luckily I didnt fainted though ..

He complained the bed was not comfortable enuff but soon reasoned to himself by mumbling 'this bed is not meant for comfort anyway' ...

After a few mumbles (words) with Mama, he called my name ..
He asked me to grab his hand & squeeze it ..

With 1 eye closed & the other half opened, he looked at me & said .. "Promise me.. promise Babah k? Don't be like this .. remember our deal yesterday" ..

He personaly spoke to me on the 1st day he was admitted, insisted I quit smoking ..

..... well it only lasted for 2 days ... damn ..

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

No News Yet ...

hmmm .. no news yet from Babah .. (he's still unconcious) .. im not allowed to be there, Babah's request .. 

He only told me to come to see him tomorrow , as he will regain conciousness tomorrow evening .. 

& he will still be warded till next wednesday .. hmmm .. having mixed feelings here .. 

hope the operation went well .. god willingly .. :) 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

This & That

Hey there Ms CyberSpace ! 

It's 5.12pm & I just woke up from a supposedly short nap I took this afternoon at 2pm. 
Dozed off after coming back from visiting Babah at Ampang Putri Hospital. He admitted himself there yesterday evening after experiencing difficulties in breathing .. 

The doct showed me Babah's X-ray films this morning .. Babah's lungs was practically drowned in fluid ! The doct also showed me the 3 main arteries which were blocked .. the doct said Babah was very lucky to have survived.. 

this is Babah's 2nd bypass .. last time was in 2005 i guess .. but back then it was only 1 artery blocked.. 

Babah will be goin to the OT tomorrow morning at 9am .. 

Hope everything's gona turn up well .. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I am Significant !

Hey I just discovered something last weekend !

Someone who hates & despised me is still talking bout me ! 

Hmmm I am sooo proud & happy that this Ms 'Soo Much Free Time & Sooo Intelligent' is still bad mouthing bout me ! This shows how I am super significant to her life .. aaaahh .

Thank God I was dumped by her ! I do not want & refuse to spend my life with someone who is shallow & brainless ! 

:)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Kids = Tranquility

Juz got back from my department's family day at PD (Port Dickson).
I am exhausted & drained by the cute & funny telematches I participated in (although only 2 or 3 games, damn I need more exercise !:p)

The food & drinks were superb though! (coz it was sponsored & paid for hence i gobbled & gulped them like a camel in an oasis after days in the Sahara ! :p)

But what I really took delight in was the presence of adorable & darling, restless yet angelic KIDS !

I was at the side of the telematch area this afternoon .. & it was the kids' session... I didnt intend to indulge myself with their bubbly & carefree nature ..

Alas .. I was actualy smiling & was in a state of extreme tranquility (without me noticing) just by watching them running & giggling & teasing each other with the purest & sinless acts ..
heheheh
Cute creations of God ..

My thoughts of life & it's difficulties were magicaly & mysticaly blown away by these unique & exclusive creations of God's, laughter & joy !

The act of hoisting them cute 'creatures' too transmits a termendous rush of endorphine up my brain ! (a rush no artificial or man made 'practise' can achieve)
.. they just simply take u to somewhere u never thot u could be & feel .. they are just magical !! no more words can describe them ..

Hmmm maybe it's about time for me to be getting one :p

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Pen & Paper ..

Hmm I cant help but to think of what bouncing echoes in my head need to be realized & materialized in words here, the whole hot sunny day at office.

I had tonnes to express & share (I think) this morning, while I was on the bus to work.
Fortunately I got them restless echoes, pacified & calmed in my virtual grasps (held & locked them in my biological Central Processing Unit & storage compartments A.K.A my brains) ..

Sorted them in folders, separated by their natures, I even named the folders for the ease of retrieving later..
I was so sure that they will still be there in those named (some cutely & some demonic) & tagged folders, till I reach back home for the daily data purging & converting to physical & tangible words & phrases ..

Thanx to my rapidly deteriorating cerebellum, cerebrum, encephalon & medulla oblongata (lay men call it brains :p), all those nicely, neatly organized "echoes" are bouncing, banging their selves against my CPU walls back again once I finished work & reached home .. SIGH !!

Dats y I decided to have my trustee notebook (conventional notebooks with cardboard covers & lined pages :p) with me all the time from tomorrow on .. so help me God :D

I can't afford to lose more precious thoughts & impulsive ideas (which do not last even a minute in my mind) no more .. hmmm I wonder how many great & superb ideas I have neglected & forgotten in this 27 years of my life .

So frens , take my advice, have a pen & paper near you MOST of the time aight ! :D we humans have flaws & imperfections ..

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

"Ther is chkn cury n othrs fr ur dnr"

07/04/09 started of rather well & early for me today (but it could have been earlier on other unfortunate days, THANXSS to my job ! :p) ..


Good thing is, I was left alone with ma beloved & precious dormancy (or better known as sleep :p) thru the whole, rainy & windy nite, without any intrusion from the dreaded & damned images of "the past" .. hmmm .. :D

Anyways ..

Time, bizarrely seemed to have bolted swiftly today at office (most probably an undifined psychological effect of my undivided focus to work :p :p :p) & I was reminded that I am to log out of the system (to end my shift) very soon by a familiar vibrating & buzzing sound from my cell ..

It's a text from Mama:

"Ther is chkn cury n othrs fr ur dnr"

WOOHOO !!
To my delight DINNER IS PREPARED !!

The ramblings & growlings of my tummy are soon to be tamed & shut by her superb & suit for kings spread of grubs !

I was greeted with not only "chkn cury" but also a bowl of "sotong goreng kunyit" (stir fried squid with tumeric powder, onions & potato slices) & "ikan jelawat goreng" (some kinda fresh water fish with tonnes of bones, coated in a batter & deep fried) !!

BEST KAN ???? hehehe

Sometimes I wonder in sorrow .. what am I gonna do without her in my life ... am I able to compensate her cuts & bruises in preparing my meals .. will I be able to be what she wants me to be ... How am I supposed to repay her back ..

Tough aint it ?

Dear Cyberspace, It's Inhabitance & Patrons ..

Wish i could decorate your virtual walls with potraits of tranquility & ur ceilings with chandeliers of bliss ...

Sadly I am only able stain them with marks of desperation & darken it with gloom & vengence ..

I was brought back to the world of reality (after a mere few hours of shut eyes) yesterday morning by an image which i would luv to forget & erase from my mind ...

So that explains the gloom & frown of my very 1st enrty .. sigh ..

But i assure u this state would'nt last for forever (godwillingly !) .. :D

What I forsee is having a mambo jambo, mix & match, collage like virtual log book as i will be sharing with you what i feel, what i see, what i think (which happens to be never in order or organized! :p)

.. mussssst ... ggggeeett ... sleeeeep ..